UK: Muslim teenager ‘hit for kissing white man’

Via the BBC:

A Muslim teenager from Hampshire was kidnapped, imprisoned and had her hair cut off after her siblings saw her kiss a white man, a court has heard.

Winchester Crown Court heard Shamima Akhtar, 18, was attacked by her family in Basingstoke in April of last year. The prosecution said the case was about “honour-based domestic violence”.

Her sisters Nazira, 29, and Nadiya, 25, and brother Kayum Mohammed-Abdul, 24, deny kidnap, false imprisonment and causing actual bodily harm.

(source)

Sweden: Six charged over ‘honor’ beating

Six men in Hallsberg, central Sweden, were charged with beating a 19-year-old with metal rods at a gym. Police believe the attack is an honor crime. (more in English here)

The story turns out to be quite complicated, and I think the English language news report misses the main point. Via GP (Swedish):

The 19- year-old was attacked because he allegedly abused the daughter of one of the men a few weeks earlier. The man supposedly kidnapped the daughter in his car. The incident was reported to the police, but the investigation was closed.

Prosecutor Karl-Erik Antonsson says that the men did not accept the results of the police investigation and tried protecting the girl’s honor. They believe there is only one way to atone for such a thing.

The man’s lawyer, Elisabeth Massi Fritz, a specialist in honor crimes, says it’s unusual that all the perpetrators have been charged. She says the investigation shows that the woman lived in a confining environment where she was not allowed to socialize with men, and that’s why she was forced to make up a story. The lawyer says she’s seen such things before.

The alleged kidnapping led to rumors which dishonored the family’s reputation, says Massi Fritz, and says the story was completely false.

The men being charged are the girl’s father (59) and her three bothers (all in their 20s), and friends of the family: a man (46) and his son (19).

The 19 year old victim says that one of the brothers had told him “you’ve kidnapped our sister, today we’ll kill you.”

As the days come to closer to one’s marriage, excitement, ecstasy and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation. When the marriage is solemnised, one’s happiness and delight is on the verge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meet for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness of the bliss, serenity, pleasure and elation tasted by the two.

If every day of the marriage can mirror the first day of marriage, and every night reflect the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be a euphoric experience on this world.

The gentleness, passion, love, tenderness displayed on the first day and night of the marriage should be portrayed throughout one’s life.

The first couple of months are always a ‘honeymoon’. Once the couple settle down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands for the food and feels lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salāh if he is conscious of salāh. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband if he is feeling in a good mood he will have relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life.

The wife on the other hand, she initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while she begins to tire from this as the husband does not comment or he criticises her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone to her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again.

This style of marriage where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other is heading towards destruction.

The husband needs to implement the romance the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I was to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love.

The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance:

1. Know their feelings

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was telling Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha : “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I don’t mention your name.”[i]

The husband and wife should be aware of each other’s feelings. The husband should be able to gauge when his wife is upset or sad, likewise the wife should be able to read her husband’s behaviour. By being conscious of one another’s feelings, it will help in resolving any differences. When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console him/her. Sit with them, speak with them, listen to them. Try and make them smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife’s feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband’s feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the ‘flicker’ alight.

2. Console her

Sayyidah Safiyah radiallahu anha was on a journey with the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. She was late so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam received her while she was crying. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down. [ii]

This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband and the husband should find warmth and love in his wife. Be gentle with one another.

3. Laying in the wife’s lap

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recline in the lap of our beloved mother Sayyidah Aisha radaillahu anha even in the state when she would be menstruating. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recite the Qur῾ān whilst reclining in his wife’s lap.[iii]

How many times have we rested in the lap of our spouse? These gestures may seem trivial but they are the acts which bring the hearts close. The wife can sense and see the love of her husband for her in such actions. Every so often come home and just go and rest in the lap of your wife. She will appreciate this gesture greatly.

4. Combing the spouse’s hair:

Aisha radiallahu anha would comb the hair of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam and wash his hair.

This is how close a couple has to be. Love evolves and grows to such an extent that a spouse yearns to do everything for the other spouse even if it simply combing their hair. To maintain a high intensity of love, do the little things for your spouse also. Little acts have a huge psychological impact on the mind of the spouse. Seldom comb their hair, take their clothes out to wear, bring them a cold drink on a hot day, prepare something for them etc.

5. Drinking and eating from one place:

Aisha radiallahu anha would drink from a cup. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact. Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, he would put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched. He would then drink the contents of the cup at the same time enjoying with his spouse. When there was meat to eat, Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha would take a bite. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take the meat from her hand and again place his mouth the very same place where his wife ate from. This would add taste of love to his food.[iv]

Do things together with your wife. Do not just eat at the same time and on the same tablecloth, but eat from the same plate. Let alone the same plate, eat together from the same article of food. This will bond the hearts so close to one another. When everything your wife comes into contact with becomes more beloved to you than food itself, imagine the flame of love in your lives?

6. Kissing: -

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife regularly. Even when he salallahu alaihi wasallam would be fasting, he would kiss his wife.[v]

Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse. When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly.

When she is working or busy in her household chores, surprise her with a kiss. You have to show your love. Love is the fuel of marriage; if you desire your marriage to progress, you have to express your love in every way you can.

Physical relations in a marriage are very important. The famous saying is, “actions speak louder than words.” Show your spouse you love her. Sharī῾ah promotes romance and physical relations between the husband and wife. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam categorically stated,

“Conjugal relations with your wife is a sadaqah.”[vi]

7. Lifting the morsel to her mouth

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said : If you spend an amount you will be rewarded for it, -even when you lift the morsel to your wife’s mouth.” [vii]

The husband and wife should make these gentle gestures to exhibit their love and appreciation. Feed your spouse with your own hands now and then. This will rekindle the flame of love in your marriage.

8. Assisting her in the housework:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would clean and help at home. He would see to his needs himself rather than demanding his wife. He would clean and see to his clothing himself.

Without being asked, if the couple help each other in day to day activities, it will make one appreciate the other. Likewise, one should try his best not to demand his/her spouse to do things too much. Whatever one can do himself, he should do. We need to be considerate of the spouse. The wife works tirelessly all day. So if the husband was to be considerate and realise his wife works hard, this will touch the wife. Likewise, if the wife was to go out of her way to see to the needs of her husband being considerate, it will induce a great spark of love between the two.

9. Telling her stories

Discuss stories and events with your spouse. Engage in light hearted discussions with her-something to laugh and joke over. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam on many occasions would discuss stories, events and have light hearted discussions. The famous story narrated by Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha regarding Umm Zar’ is evident.

This is one angle which is neglected more so than often. It is all ‘business’ between the husband and wife. They do not get into light hearted conversations. Instead, the husband rings his friends and chuckles with them. The wife on the other hand giggles during the day with her friends. This should not be the case. Focus and divert all your amusement and entertainment at your spouse. If you want to laugh, then let it be that you are laughing with your wife.

Make it a point in your busy schedule daily where you sit with your wife and do nothing but have fun with her.

10. Sharing happy occasions with her:

Once when the Ethiopians were practicing target shooting in the masjid complex, the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stood with his wife watching. Not only did the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stand with his wife, he put his cloak around her. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam although he had other jobs to do, he stayed there standing with his wife. He only went when his wife wanted to go.[viii]

A husband should be one who shares happy occasions and experiences with his wife. When it is raining, cold or sunny, one should shelter his wife.

You should be willing to sacrifice your errands to spend time with your wife. When the spouse sees sacrifice for her sake, it will create immense love and respect in their heart.

11. Racing with his wife

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would exercise and play with his wife also. The famous incident of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam challenging his wife to race is well known.

When a couple can have such good times together, it only ignites the love even more.

12. Calling her by a beautiful name:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would call his wife ‘Humairā’’ out of love. Linguistically it means the little reddish one, but the scholars state that in reality it refers to someone who is so fair that due to the sun they get a reddish tan. This was the reason why the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam called her Humairaa’.[ix]

Call your spouse nice sweet names. One has to show his partner love and affection in every little thing. One needs to feed love constantly to his spouse to keep the flame burning.

Once the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stared into his wife’s eyes. He was gazing at the world within his wife’s eyes. He then said to Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha in praise of her beauty,

“How white are your eyes.”[x]

This is what is needed. The husband and wife should be constantly complementing and praising each other. The husband has to show his love and attraction to his wife. The wife needs to show her infatuation for her husband. When there is a reciprocal relationship, the marriage climbs heights.

13. Dress for your spouse

Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān 2 :228.)[xi]

This is another area where many spouses fail. The wife only dresses when it is a special occasion. The husband on the hand stays scruffy and does not take care to be neat and tidy. If the couple want their everyday to be a special occasion like their wedding day, they must dress to impress!

The wife should wear the clothing which pleases her husband. Likewise, the husband should wear what the wife likes. Every time the husband and wife glance at each other, the glance should arouse them and stir up more love for their spouse. This will ignite the love in the heart.

14. Utilising perfume:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would have a container for perfume. He would use perfume constantly.[xii] One should make an effort to smell good for his wife all the time. Looking good, keeping clean, smelling nice compliments a relationship exceptionally. Make sure you hair is tidy, your clothes are neat and you smell pleasant. This will attract your spouse always and inject affection into the marriage.

15. Do not talk about her private matters:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam described the one who discloses his wife’s affairs to others as amongst the worst of people.[xiii]

Whatever occurs between yourself and your spouse should remain between you two. How unmanly and shameful is it when a husband discusses his wife to his friends? The secrets and issues of the spouse must not be narrated at all to anyone. Do not talk about your wife to others. Your wife is for you. You are for your wife. Your fidelity and loyalty should always be to your spouse.

16. Loving & respecting their families

Another great factor to contribute to a healthy relationship is to love and cherish the family of your spouse. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was once asked whom he loved the most. He replied, “Aisha.” When the questioner rephrased his question and asked from amongst the men, he replied, “Her father.”

The Prophet could have easily said Abu Bakr. His answer displays such intelligence and ingenuity, that in one response he displayed his devotion to his wife and her family. He exhibited his fondness for his in-laws. Imagine how happy his wife Sayyidah Aisha would have become upon hearing this response?

Compliment your in laws in front of your wife. Compliment your wife to her family. Your wife will really appreciate this.

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car’s door for her, etc.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala will always result in having more peace at home.

With regards to your second query about the China Islamic Association, the Darul Iftaa is not in a position to comment as we have no correspondence with the organisation in reference.

Mawlana Faraz Ibn Adam
DarulIftaa.net

No related posts.

Scotland: Muslims join Evangelicals in fighting same-sex marriage bill

Via TNT Magazine:

Religious groups in Scotland are mounting a campaign to block the Scottish government’s proposals to introduce same-sex marriage.

(…)

Scottish Muslims have also threatened a withdrawal of support for the Scottish National Party (SNP) should the definition of marriage be redefined to include gay couples.

Salah Beltagui, of the Muslim Council of Scotland, said: “Generally, support for the SNP [among Scotland’s Muslim Community] has been strong, but if this goes on, it might change things.

“If you go back a few years, Labour was getting the majority of the vote and after Iraq it eroded very strongly, so it takes one issue like that to change things.”

Beltagui added: “Our community as a whole are all of the opinion that the family should not be changed in definition. A family is a man and a woman and children.”

(source)

Oslo: Immigrant families account for 70% of domestic abuse cases

Via Nettavisen (h/t Jan Simonsen, Norwegian)

Norwegian news-site Nettavisen wanted to write about the increase in crime and domestic violence on Christmas, but according to Stein Erik Olsen, domestic violence coordinator for the Oslo police, both are myths.

“70% of these cases are of families of non-Norwegian background. The cultures we speak of drink little alcohol and don’t celebrate Christmas,” Stein Erik Olsen told Nettavisen. “What we’ve seen in Stovner (borough) is that the number of cases goes down during Ramadan.”

He didn’t want to speculate why the number of domestic violence cases among Muslims decreases during Ramadan.

For the past decade the Norwegian police have focused on domestic violence, and every police district has its own domestic violence coordinator.

Olsen says one of the challenges with other cultures is that they have their own laws and a different attitude towards women than what is accepted in Norwegian society.

“In the worst of our cases it’s quite extreme who the culture rules the family, and how laws and regulations different than the Norwegian ones apply. But we have more information about these cases and it’s no longer the case that all women from these cultures accept it. For many of them it’s incredibly tough to report it. To speak with us likely means that they must break off with people who are their only anchor in a foreign country,” says Olsen.

Most of you have probably read this story B4 but for the sake of others i’ll post it here:

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2″ diameter.He then asked the students if the jar was full ? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full ? They agreed that yes, it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life.

The rocks are the important things – your faith, your beliefs, your family, your partner, your health, your children – anything that is so important to you that if it were lost,you would be nearly destroyed.

The pebbles are the other things in life that matter,but on a smaller scale.The pebbles represent things like your job,your house,your car etc.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first,there is no room for the rocks.

The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff,material things,you will never have room for the things that are truly most important.Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life.

Play with your children. Spend quality time with your spouse. There willalways be time to go to work, clean the house, fix the car etc.

Take care of the rocks first, the rest is just pebbles and sand!!!

No related posts.

Belgium: Four family members convicted of ‘honor’ murder

Via Knack (Dutch):

On Friday the Court of Assize of Henegouwen convicted the four members of the Pakistani Sheikh family of the murder of Sadia Sheikh (22).

Tariq Sheikh, Sadia’s father, and her brother Mudusar were convicted by the jury,with aggravating circumstances since it was an honor murder and an attempted forced marriage. Parveen, Sadia’s mother, and her sister Sariya, were also convicted of murder, with aggravating circumstances of honor murder, but were acquitted of the charges of attempted forced marriage.

The jury convicted the four family members after three weeks of debates in court. Sadia was a senior of law at the Charleroi university college. She was murdered on October 22, 2007 in the Lodelinsart section of the city.

Mudusar’s conviction was based on his confession, and due to the fact that he committed the murder in order to restore the family’s honor, which had been violated by his sister who, as a woman, refused to submit.

Regarding father Tariq Sheikh there were various issues to his detriment, including the speedy conclusion of the forced marriage with a cousin in Pakistan via webcam and the administrative steps he took to officialize the marriage.

Sariya was convicted due to ballistic analysis which linked her to the incident. The mother stated in her testimony that she preferred her daughter die rather than marry a non-Muslim.

During the court case the prosecution and civil parties who had joined the suit, the Institute for Equality of Men and Women and the Union of Independent Health Services, tried to show that every member of the family played a significant role in Sadia’s murder.

The defense claimed that the investigation was blemished by the media attention to the crime. The family’s lawyers also claimed that, except for Mudusar, there was enough doubt against conviction.

I would like to know whether spending on one’s family on the 10th of Muharram is an authenticated practice. If this is so, is it recommended to spend specifically on food and drink or will general gifts suffice. Also could these gifts be bought in advance with the intention of spending on one’s family on the 10th of Muharram?

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

There are two types of narrations related in this regard. The first concerning the virtue of giving general charity on the 10th of Muharram (Ashura), and the second concerning the virtue of spending specifically on one’s family on this day.

As far as general charity is concerned, it has been reported from the Companion Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-As (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said, “Whoever fasts on the 10th of Muharram (Ashura), it is as though he has fasted the entire year. And whoever gives charity on this day, it is like the charity of an entire year.” (Recorded by Imam Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali in his Lata’if al-Ma’arif from Abu Musa al-Madini)

As for spending and being generous on one’s family, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said, “One who generously spends on his family on the 10th of Muharram (Ashura), Allah will be generous on him for the entire year.” (Recorded by Imam Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali in his Lata’if al-Ma’arif from Tabarani in his al-Awsat and Al-Bayhaqi in his Shu’ab al-Iman)

These and other narrations indicate that one should be generous on one’s family and dependants and spend more on them by providing more food and other items on this day as compared to other days. One may give cash, food and drink, or any other item of gift.

Although some scholars consider these narrations to be weak (dha’if), many others like Imam al-Bayhaqi, Hafidh al-Iraqi and Ibn Hibban have accepted them as reliable. Imam Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali relates from Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (Allah have mercy on him) that he did consider some basis for them. He also quotes Sufyan ibn Uyayna (Allah have mercy on him) as saying, “I have practiced this [spending on the family] for fifty or sixty years, and have found nothing but good in it.” (Lata’if al-Ma’arif P 64)

Moreover, even if considered weak, scholars generally agree on the permissibility of acting upon weak narrations for virtuous actions, as long as they are not fabricated (mawdu’).

As such, in conclusion, it would be virtuous and rewarding to spend more on one’s family on the 10th of Muharram. One may provide more food and drink or any other item. However, this practice should not be considered as firmly established, and thus, one should avoid attaching extra significance to it.

And Allah knows best

[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

Related posts:

1. Muharram and Ashura
2. Imam Shafi’ee
3. Fasting is a Shield
4. 25 Advices for Ramadan
5. Imam Malik

Netherlands: New site to help suicidal immigrant girls

Via AD (Dutch):

A special website “You are not alone” has been set up for immigrant girls who are contemplating suicide. The site is an initiative of the Movisie center and youth webistes Marokko.nl, Hababam.nl en Indianfeelings.nl. The site has three separate sections: for Moroccan, Turkish and Suriname-Hindu girls.

A study has shown that immigrants girls are more suicidal. One past study has shown that Turkish and Surinamese women aged 15-24 attempted suicide 2-3 times as often as Dutch women. One reason might be that Turkish, Hindu and Moroccan girls aren’t given as much freedom of movement. They feel very pressured because they must protect the honor of their family.

The website offers various information: what causes suicidal behavior, what you can do against it, where you can get help and what to do if you have a suicidal friend. The site was created with help from Turkish, Hindu and Moroccan girls.

Denmark: Kindergarten cancels Christmas church service

Via Frederiksborg Amts Avis (Danish):

The Ørnevang kindergarten will not participate in the traditional Christmas service at Lillerød church this year. The kindergarten decided to cancel its participation out of consideration for the non-Christian children.

Local priest Carsten Mulnæs asks why children from culturally-open Muslim families and all other families are being deprived of a piece of Danish Christmas tradition, just because several families or teachers do not want to expose the children to benedictions.

Manager Susan Lund Andersen says that the kindergarten has many Muslim children who weren’t able to participate in the event because their parents did not want their children to participate in prayer or benedictions in the Church of Denmark.

Susan Lund Andersen also met with Danish parents who don’t want their children to get a benediction, where the family is not a member of the church of Denmark. She says they decided it should be the parents’ responsibility to take their children to whatever service they prefer.

the issue will now be discussed by the board.